Some days I say mean things to lovely people. I hate myself for it. I worry and regret it. I feel a need to redeem myself. But what has been done cannot be undone.
It's feeling bad. Not just because you've perhaps hurt, or bothered someone. But because you've lost your own trust to do good. To be good. You've failed to follow your own advice and to live up to your own values. And you feel a need to redeem yourself, to yourself: that you're capable of being who you really want to be.
So you go for a drive. You go to nature. You walk and share a smile with those just passing by. You explore the same places you've normally gone to, but this time, all by yourself.
You start doing exactly what you knew you should've been doing.
You rest, looking over the horizon, bathing in sunshine, listening as the breeze sings against mangroves and waves of the sea.
You return to society and everything is the same. Everyone is the same. Except you. You feel slightly different. You feel changed. Motivated. Redeemed.